On Receiving Feedback
My reflections on the art of receiving feedback effectively, based on conversations with colleagues who've been through recent performance cycles.
The world is not that big, and I am not the only one who has been part of a performance feedback cycle recently. Luckily for me, this makes a great icebreaker for a lot of conversations and rants around it.
In one of those conversations, we were talking about the last “How to give feedback” workshop that we have attended (actually at Datadog, I believe they are quite mindful, and TBH, it is a topic that is good to revisit, especially for leaders).
What I could observe was even more interesting: ⚠️ most of the people present had more practice giving feedback than receiving it. ⚠️
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” And when it comes to a feedback conversation, it is not different. That’s why excelling at receiving feedback will help you in the future. I am not an expert in the matter, but I can drop my 2 cents 🪙 here:
Tips for Receiving Feedback
Stay calm and open-minded 🧘🏽. I know receiving feedback could be very stressful depending on who, how, and when they decide to have that conversation. Even though being defensive or uncomfortable, remembering that feedback is focused on your growth sometimes helps me. Additionally, if it is not a good moment for you to receive feedback, be explicit about it, there would always be bad moments, let’s avoid making the time for feedback be one of those.
Clarify the feedback 🤔. There is nothing like leaving a room without understanding what they just said to you. Make feedback a conversation, try to understand from which context, and do not hesitate to get examples. You cannot learn from what you do not understand. Also, it shows that you are engaging with it and that you fully want to find a way to act on it.
Not all feedback needs to be acted upon. Take time to reflect on it, see if it is aligned with your goals/values. If it is, create action around it; else, express gratitude and be communicative about it.
Be good to yourself. I am probably not good at this 🫠. I sometimes just want to get feedback so that I can confirm how bad I am doing. Do not let that monster in! We all have space to improve and to fail; feedback is there to help you understand where you are at the moment.
Feedback should not only be delivered; it should be received on the other end.
Hope the tips make sense and help you somehow :D
PS: I could talk about this for hours. If you feel like doing it, please do not hesitate to reach out.